December 4, 2023
5th grade was a BIG year for me growing up. The last year before middle school where all the other Elementary schools merge into one and TONS of new people get brought into your life. I had always seen it like in the movies, walking in and being overwhelmed by all the new faces and people.
On top of that though, 5th grade was also full of the greatest number of things I had to overcome (at least at the time). If you’ve ever had someone who pretended to be your friend, only to turn around and make fun of you then you know the feeling.
Now, I’m sure you’re thinking “what is the point to this intro?” and the point is just to commemorate my 5th grade self for the fact that SHE is the one who made these mindset shifts. Yes, 5th grade me wrote this list for you and I know they work because I’ve been applying them for YEARS now.
Anyways so 2 things happened in 5th grade that shaped the person I am today. #1: I had someone in my life, who claimed to be my friend, but who made a YouTube video making fun of my singing from the school talent show with a group of their friends at a slumber party that the ENTIRE SCHOOL SAW BEFORE ME.
Shortly after that was the first time I called someone a Skank.
Then comes #2, a boy we will call Kalvin decided to repeatedly bully me at recess for how I looked, how I dressed, how much I weighed, how I didn’t have a lot of friends, just anything he could find, and one day I just said fuck it and kicked him in the dick.
These 2 people taught me that bullies will never stop, and it doesn’t matter what you do or who you are because if they want to hate you, THEY JUST WILL. It doesn’t actually matter who I am or how I want to be or what I want to do because they will hate me anyways so why not just be unapologetically myself and say “fuck you” to anyone who stands in my way of being happy and loving myself.
Now that you know the background story of the young girl who implemented all of these into her life with ZERO help, here are 5 of the mindsets shifts I used to help learn to love myself.
#1: If this is the negative thought I’m having, what would happen if I just flipped it?
Despite what I had been told by bullies I knew I was beautiful, and I was always so confused why everyone else focused on all the negatives. I literally had to unteach myself the negative thoughts that had bullied into my thoughts so every time one would pop up, I flip it.
“You’re fat”, no, I am curvy, and all of my curves are beauty like a vase. I am cuddly and my belly is always full of good food too.
“You’re ugly”, My mother things I’m beautiful, so do my siblings and myself. I don’t have to your type but I’m definitely NOT ugly. What is ugly though is making fun of people for the body they’re soul exists in.
As an adult the thoughts change.
“Stretch marks are gross”, I think they’re beautiful. They tell a story of my size, my child, and how I’ve grown and changed over the years.
It’s all about perspective and how you look at things, so choosing to look at yourself with loving eyes can make such a positive difference in your life.
#2: There is beauty in everything, and there is beauty in being the only you in the world.
Even with all the media and beauty standards back then of “thin equals beauty”, none of them looked like me, and I knew that didn’t mean I wasn’t just as beautiful. in fact, I am the ONLY Me that will ever exist and that alone is SO beautiful. Our differences make us unique, and in my mind that is not a bad thing, it’s actually the opposite. We weren’t all meant to be the same, otherwise we’d be made exactly the same. Who am I to tell the universe that it put me in an unworthy body of being loved, and definitely how dare anyone else.
#3: I am the main character of my own life.
You know how in shows like Ugly Betty and Glee the main characters are these super creative “ugly duckling” type of characters? Well, I literally started seeing myself as that main character and started acting as such. Not in a snooty way like when the MC gets popular all of a sudden, but in the way that I visualized myself as the main character during my everyday life and responded how Main Character Me would want to respond.
For example, sitting in the library or reading on the bus was always the “cute nerdy book girl moment” and some of my boyfriends definitely liked it at the time too so it did NOT go unnoticed.
When I planned my Elopment I also thought about what main character me would want. We planned for a whole year, keeping the secret from nearly everyone, and then we had the most beautiful day and a private ceremony in the Salt Flats at Sunset. We did couples boudoir in the morning, my man helped me get dressed, and our baby girl was the most beautiful little boom box babe (Instead of flower girl since the Flats are “leave no trace”)
The point is, I am the main character of my own life.
#4: If I was bullied into my insecurities; I can bully myself out of them.
Now I’m not going to lie, I GET AGRESSIVE WITH MYSELF, but in a way, that’s like “Excuse me?! You think you can just choose to hate on my bestie like that? (myself) Who do you think you are? Take off the negativity glasses and just LOOK how perfect you are! LOOK AT YOU! You gorgeous and traumatized fool!” And then we cute some TS lyrics “Now go stand in the corner and THINK about what you did”.
It’s like my reverse psychology of bullying, I just bully myself with positive things instead of ones that tear people down.
#5: If I treat my body the way I treat my loved ones, then how DARE I not love it unconditionally?
This one was more so learned in my high school years, but I had known it for a awhile before it actually hit me. You see, when people you care about talk about their insecurities, they’re not only talking about themselves. Sure, they may not process it at the time, but humans can be very comparative creatures so when I was the bigger friend surrounded by slim and STUNNING people who would call themselves cows It gave me some serious pause. If someone half my size thinks that they’re a cow, disgusting, and ugly, then what must they think of me?
Ever since then, I treat myself the way I want my loved ones to treat themselves too, and why shouldn’t I? I am one of my loved ones, I am one of the people who I love, so why am I not loving myself with as much compassion as I had for others? It didn’t make sense, so I made a mindset change when I got insecure. “If I treat my body the way I treat my loved ones then how dare I not love it unconditionally.”
If you read this post all the way through, I just want to say that no matter what your thoughts or others tell you, you are BEAUTIFUL and perfect just the way you are. The only think you need to do is learn how to embrace yourself and I hope this little blog helped a bit!
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